Pastor’s New Teeth

The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: ‘The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… And I couldn’t shut up’

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Fear of Flying

There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her.

One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.

After a while, he turned to her and asked, “You don’t really believe all that stuff in there do you?”

The woman replied, “Of course I do. It is the Bible.”

He said, “Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?”

She replied, “Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible.”

He asked, “Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?”

The woman said, “Well, I don’t really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him.”

The Pope vs. Moishe

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate.

The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe who spent his life sweeping up after people to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win.”

How Not To Decorate A Wedding Cake

A cake decorator was asked by a bride to inscribe the words of 1 John 4:18 onto a wedding cake: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear.”

Unfortunately, the decorator didn’t know the Bible very well. So, instead of putting the words from 1 John 4:18 on the cake, the decorator wrote the words from the Gospel of John 4:18.

They read like this: “You have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.”

The bride and groom did not see the cake until their reception, as they were getting ready to cut it.

A better offer

Eric Snyder, minister of the Farwell Church of Christ, tells this story:

I recently did a wedding. During the wedding rehearsal, the groom pulled me aside and made me an offer.

He said, “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honor and obey,” I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He gave me a $100 bill and walked away.

The day of the wedding the bride and groom were in front of me and we were to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it came time for the groom’s vows, I looked at the young man and said “Will you promise to bow down before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”